Steal Someone's Parking Space
Yes, it all starts before you even enter the store. Here you'll have a prime opportunity to narrowly risk having your car rammed by an angry shopper. How? Find someone who is waiting, blinker on, for a parking space and at the last minute, swoop in and steal it. For added effect, let out an evil laugh as you strut past the angry driver on your way into the store. And hope that driver has auto insurance.
Forget How to Line Up
Your kindergarten teacher may have shown you how to line up, but there's no point in calling upon that information now. It's survival of the fittest. If you see a line of people waiting for multiple cashiers, ignore that line and hop behind someone who's already checking out. Sure, people will be mad, but most of the time they'll be too polite to yell at you. It's the perfect crime.
Walk in a Single Formation
Birds fly in a straight formation. Over time, evolution has led us to believe that this is how our families should walk through the mall. Never mind that people are behind you waiting to get by. Just keep casually strolling along as though the entire mall belongs to you.
Pretend You're the Only One Around
Speaking of having the mall to yourself, when you're in a store, it doesn't matter that other people are waiting behind you. Stand in front of the item you're buying for endless amounts of time and don't move for anything. If someone politely stops to let you pass, pass but stop somewhere that blocks them, acting as though you didn't realize they actually might want to move from that spot sometime today.
Act Like You're from the 80s
A few things have changed since the 80s, but you don't have to use today's technology. Personal checks are fun and stacks of paper coupons make the checkout experience like a game. Customers love waiting while you shuffle through your coupons like you're playing a game of Old Maid.
What annoys you most while you're out shopping?
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