Monday, December 15, 2014

5 Ways to Annoy Your Fellow Christmas Shoppers

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas. Everywhere you go, parking lots are full, lines wrap around the building, and customers jockey for position in packed aisles. As you shop this year, it's important to be as annoying as possible in order to survive. After all, what's the point of Christmas if not to put everyone around you in a sour mood? Here are a few ways you can annoy your fellow shoppers this year.

Steal Someone's Parking Space

Yes, it all starts before you even enter the store. Here you'll have a prime opportunity to narrowly risk having your car rammed by an angry shopper. How? Find someone who is waiting, blinker on, for a parking space and at the last minute, swoop in and steal it. For added effect, let out an evil laugh as you strut past the angry driver on your way into the store. And hope that driver has auto insurance.




Forget How to Line Up

Your kindergarten teacher may have shown you how to line up, but there's no point in calling upon that information now. It's survival of the fittest. If you see a line of people waiting for multiple cashiers, ignore that line and hop behind someone who's already checking out. Sure, people will be mad, but most of the time they'll be too polite to yell at you. It's the perfect crime.



Walk in a Single Formation

Birds fly in a straight formation. Over time, evolution has led us to believe that this is how our families should walk through the mall. Never mind that people are behind you waiting to get by. Just keep casually strolling along as though the entire mall belongs to you.




Pretend You're the Only One Around

Speaking of having the mall to yourself, when you're in a store, it doesn't matter that other people are waiting behind you. Stand in front of the item you're buying for endless amounts of time and don't move for anything. If someone politely stops to let you pass, pass but stop somewhere that blocks them, acting as though you didn't realize they actually might want to move from that spot sometime today.



Act Like You're from the 80s

A few things have changed since the 80s, but you don't have to use today's technology. Personal checks are fun and stacks of paper coupons make the checkout experience like a game. Customers love waiting while you shuffle through your coupons like you're playing a game of Old Maid.


What annoys you most while you're out shopping?

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104 comments:

  1. We are good to go with January 5!
    That last one. It's not just the check, it's the fact they look surprised when the cashier wants money and then have to dig for the check in their purse - which of course, they still need to fill out.
    No, I'm not bitter.

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    1. I blogged about check writers a while ago and there were people who still didn't realize that when you write a check, in most stores it comes out of your account immediately. They were defending their check-writing by saying it was a way to buy things a few days before payday. I was behind a woman that learned that the hard way one day when her check was declined--she walked out, leaving a full cart of groceries that the employees had to put away.

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  2. Slow walkers drive me crazy... I just want to get in and out... I have no desire to stroll in the mall...I try hard to shop at quieter times because of these types of shoppers ;-)

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    1. We have a lot of tourists at our mall because it's near the Opry. There are people lined up behind them, trying to get around, but they form an impenetrable wall. I end up walking the wrong way on the left side just to get around them!

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  3. The slow walkers are the worst, but I also lose my mind over check writers. Do you need to write a check for $9? And then the cashier turns on her light and we have to wait for a manager to come over and verify the drivers license, etc? Is this the 1950's?

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    1. What about cash payers who have to spend ten minutes searching for exact change?! I used to feel guilty paying by debit/credit when it was only a few dollars, but it's really faster now. At Starbucks, they can even scan my screen! I'm still waiting for Apple Pay to actually start working somewhere...

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  4. Love the Kathy Bates and the George Costanza clips! I don't use checks at the store but I do occasionally use paper coupons - I always have them at the ready though, no dawdling for me. :)

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    1. I haven't yet figured out the electronic coupon thing yet. I know it can be done--but I mostly shop at Publix and they don't have the same "frequent shopper" cards that other stores have--so you can't really load your coupons onto your shopping card for them.

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  5. I did 90% of my shopping on Amazon! :D

    Happy Holidays!

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    1. I did about half of my shopping there, with another 10 percent or so at other sites. But for some reason I couldn't get myself organized in time to do all my shopping on there. I'm having a hard time finding those little things like they have at Kohl's that are "great gifts for men," etc. online. You pretty much have to know what you're looking for to buy at Amazon.

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    2. Yep. My son and his wife train dogs, so guess what they got? Lots of references to dogs. lol I like that feature, "this was bought together with these other things" :)

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  6. lol the idiots that just park right in the middle of the aisle and yap away to some old friend they see or whoever annoy me. I just stick my elbows out and go through them.

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    1. I've had two instances lately where I've said "excuse me" and they've ignored me. I told my husband I'm going to start coughing really obnoxiously right in their direction without covering my mouth. What do you want to bet suddenly their "hearing problem" will clear up?!

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  7. I freeze people who try to cut into my line with an evillest of stares .. I'm all dangerous like that...

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    1. It never quite works for me. I don't think my stare is quite evil enough. Probably because I'm 5'2"!

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    2. maybe you could talk quietly and carry a dog with you? :)

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  8. I hate shopping in general but last minute Christmas shopping is the worst. Tis the season to be jolly UNLESS, you're in a hurry and surrounded by mindless idiots. That's usually when the Christmas spirit goes out the window, lol! I really should do more of my shopping online.... :)

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    1. I do as much as I can online. When you work from home, you also can go at weird times, like Monday at 8 a.m. Some places (Kohl's, Target) are open at that hour and you can shop without the crowds!

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  9. LOL! I love this post because it sadly is so true. What happens to people as soon as the seasonn hits? It's like we all forget how to be nice and be respectful. The worst is personal space. Like standing right behind me so close I can smell and feel your breath, is going to make the line go faster. Ugh!

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    1. I think there might be some kind of survival instinct that kicks in? When people are jockeying for position maybe we have some kind of natural instinct that has us fighting to stand our ground.

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  10. As I'm British, the only time we'll forget to queue is during a full on zombie apocalypse. What annoys me? People who manage to take up the whole aisle and wander along it very slowly. Even when they seem to be of average size, there's still no way to squeeze past them!

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    1. My stepdad is British and he always complains that Americans don't know how to "queue up." It's good to see he's right about that--he's lived here for decades and it looks like things haven't changed over there in all that time. Americans are definitely MUCH more aggressive--and I'm in the South, where people are supposed to be polite. (They aren't at ALL.)

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  11. I think you hit all of them...oh wait...take your time paying, you have exact change in that purse somewhere keep looking there is plenty of time and the people behind you really don't mind at all, hey, a penny is a penny.

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    1. Just swipe!!! I know there was a time when people thought credit cards slowed the line down, but that isn't the case at all anymore. I think that was back during a time when they had to use those imprinting machines and write down your driver's license number and all that. Cash can actually be the slowest form of payment of all. I paid by cash at the post office a few weeks ago when there was a long line, thinking it would be faster--I handed her a 20 and she spent about three minutes going through her drawer, looking for ones--THEN she had to do some tricky swap maneuver with the other clerk to get ones from him. It was only a $2 transaction or something and it would have cost them the transaction fee, but it would have been SO much faster.

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  12. yup. too funny. was behind a lady at the grocery store that waited until the cashier was totally done ringing her up before she proceeded to pull out her checkbook and write a check. *sigh* but it is a small town. :)

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    1. That always happens. I wrote a check at Walgreens in 1997 or something and my sister looked at me and said, "You're THAT person?" That was the 90s!!! At one time I made fun of all the "soccer moms" who seemed to be the only check writers but soccer moms don't even have time for that anymore. By the way, I just paid for my Starbucks peppermint mocha with my phone... Next year you'll be able to order Starbucks using your phone, pay, and just walk straight over to the pick-up area.

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  13. Boy, you nailed them all! Maybe that's why I like getting gift cards, easier to get and the local grocery store carries a wide variety of them :) My most annoying is when people have their carts in the middle of the aisle in a small aisle and you can't maneuver around them, no matter how hard you try.

    betty

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    1. My mother-in-law said all she wanted were gift cards but that just feels wrong somehow! I got her a couple but I had to get her some other things. Although when I get a gift card for Christmas, I get really excited! Especially if it's for Amazon--BOOKS!!!!

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  14. hahaha I love it. Well I'm from New York, so I can tell you I've encountered many of these things in the city this time of year. And I worked at Rockefeller Center! Imagine what it was like to do anything at work this time of year? One family nearly killed me b/c they were trying to take a picture of the tree as I was getting ready to head out, so just to annoy them I stood stock still in front of them and removed my ID badge, and got my scarf and gloves on. I'd never have done something like that but they were literally the rudest people I have ever come in contact with. Not gonna lie, it was fun watching them have to leave for a new spot.

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    1. That sounds like an exciting job--I'll bet you have some stories about that experience! I live in Nashville and this time of year it's absolute craziness. Tourists come in from all over to see Opryland Hotel, the Rockettes, and all kinds of other things around here. The mall I frequent is in the middle of all of that--so we have a lot of tourists walking through the mall, staring around in wonder like they've never seen a mall before. Combine that with all of the locals trying to shop and it's just a big mess. Our tourists are usually a lot nicer than the locals, though. They're actually almost always southern, whereas there aren't too many southerners who actually live in Nashville anymore.

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  15. I totally remember that part from Fried Green Tomatoes! One of my favorite movies of all time. I think I am going to go find it and watch it this weekend=)
    I went to Target yesterday to grab some wrapping paper and Christmas cards. Never again! I was quickly reminded about why I did all of my holiday shopping through Ebates this year. If I need anything, I will go during the week at some off peak hour.
    I think the most annoying part about the holidays is the holidays! Other than mass, being around my family on Christmas and the Christmas spirit, it can really be a Debbie Downer.

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    1. That's what I have left to get--gift cards and gift bags. The gift cards I can get at the grocery store, but gift bags require a trip somewhere like Target. Yikes! That's the sort of thing you can't really get online. If I could have gotten all of my gifts online, I would have, but when I started shopping for my husband I realized there were some things I had to see in person in order to make a decision. Some items still aren't very conducive to ordering online.

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  16. What annoys me when shopping is people that leave their carts in the middle of the aisle while they talk to someone a few feet away and look at you like you've got two heads if you want to get by them.

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    1. Or what about the employees!!! They can be the worst. I'm usually shopping during the weekday and apparently that's when they do all of their stocking. About half the time I can't get to the item I need because someone has a cart in front of it, so you have to ask to get by. Publix employees are usually considerate but often the people stocking don't work for Publix, so you're just getting between them and finishing their work so they can get to the next stop on their routes!

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  17. How about the 400 pounder in a store on a huge scooter and blocking the aisle. Park so you can't get around them and then stare at you like you're the asshat. Oh of love those folks. Bless their hearts.

    Have a fabulous day. ☺

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    1. Our big grocery store (Kroger) used to do senior day once a month. They received a 20 percent discount. The store was full all day of seniors slowly making their way through the store. I love seniors and will be one someday, so I mean no offense by this, but I avoided that store like the plague on senior day. (I now avoid it every day, since they opened a Publix nearby.) It's not just that they're so excruciatingly slow, but I feel really, really bad passing them.

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  18. I can feel my blood pressure rising with a few of those. What annoys me the most are the slow walkers and the ones who block your way or stand in front of a display just looking at it. I usually know exactly what I want to get and can whip through the store within 15-20 minutes if there aren't many people. Unfortunately, that 15-20 minutes ends up to 30-45 minutes during the Christmas season because of all the slow people.

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    1. Another problem during the holidays is that people have family in, so shopping becomes part of "getting out of the house." This is especially bad from about the 22nd or 23rd through the end of the year. People are socializing while shopping, so they aren't paying a bit of attention to the fact that some people are in a hurry to just grab a few things and get home.

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  19. I dislike selfish shoppers who have no regard for the merchandise of for other people in the store. They make a mess of neatly folded piles of cloths, open up bottles to smell.... or put back merchandise wherever after changing their mind. I despise being behind slow walking people because I'm always in a rush... nobody's fault but my own ...but it gets me cranky. How people put their carl all over the place in the cart coral, making it difficult to get my cart in.

    I'm patient with how people want to pay their merchandise but I chose the debit card. It quick and that suite me just fine.

    Hugs,
    JB

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    1. Opps, that should read "push their carts in the cart coral"
      JB

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    2. Or people in parking lots who don't take their carts to the corral at all! I notice this less at Publix than Kroger, interestingly. Maybe Publix shoppers are more likely to have been taught manners...

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  20. OMG your list is hilarious! So true too. I am not one for crowds and the people who walk so slow and then stop right in the middle of the doors so you can't pass by them. This is when I get evil and want to trip them later on. I don't but I want to. I have had people butt in line but I am not nice & tell them to go to the back. One lady said she was in a hurry. I told her yes to piss me off so move to the back. She was annoyed but I was happy

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    1. I feel bad about this but I actually did run into a woman with my cart once. I was behind her at Wal-Mart (this HAD to have been years ago because I don't do Wal-Mart anymore) and she came to a dead stop suddenly in the middle of the walkway. I'd been looking down an aisle at the time and didn't notice she'd decided to stop...and bam! I hit the backs of her feet. She got very angry and I just said, "Sorry" and went around her. She never did figure out that she probably shouldn't come to a dead stop in a walkway--I'm sure she blamed it 100 percent on me not watching her.

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  21. I LOATHE all of it. The noise, the crowds, the rudeness and the total absence of peace and goodwill. Which deserts me too as soon as I walk into a mall.
    Oh, and the people who nip into a disabled parking space without a qualm. My youngest brother will get punched one day - he waits for them and says 'I see your disability is intellectual'...

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    1. I saw a police officer trolling through a parking lot, issuing tickets to people illegally parked in handicapped spots. They should do that more often! I will say that not everyone's disability is visible, though. I had a friend once who had a serious illness that made it hard for her to walk long distances. Her doctor wrote a pass for her and she had a sticker but she was youngish and you couldn't always tell she was having trouble walking. She was in pain all the time, though, according to her.

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    2. My brother, to give him his due, only harrasses people without the relevant sticker... I wish our disability spots were better patrolled.

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    3. I've only seen it once--at a Wal-Mart. Someone said because parking lots are private property, they aren't really within police jurisdiction, but I'm pretty sure if a crime happens in a parking lot, police show up. Seems they could ticket there, too...

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  22. What bothers me is dealing with crowds, period. I buy very few Christmas presents, and get in and out as soon as I can.

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    1. I'd rather buy everything online myself, but there are some things that have to be bought in person. I bought a bunch of Bath & Body Works for people today, for instance--they charge shipping online and that stuff is heavy so shipping gets a little expensive. It's just easier to run in and buy the stuff!

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    2. Great post, by the way! Funny as all hell!

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    3. Thank you! I do "5 Ways to" tips for my clients all the time, but I never get to have this much fun with it!

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  23. I can usually get around slow walkers.The ones who stop suddenly, however, become an issue.

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    1. Yeah, especially if you run over their heels as I did once!

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  24. Shopping doesn't annoy me because I don't do it other than dashing into a store to buy milk and Hershey's syrup so I can have my all-important chocolate milk. I did all my Christmas shopping online. Last year I went to some outlet stores to buy a jacket for Favorite Young Man. It was before Thanksgiving, so the shopping experience wasn't too bad but FYM has never worn the jacket so I'll never go again. One summer Willy Dunne Wooters and I went to the upscale shopping area in our city (waste of time--never again). We waited for a parking place only to have some nasty people in an expensive car come roaring around the corner and almost hit WDW's 'stang. They started yelling at us that we stole their parking place. They had been waiting for it around the corner. I said, We were waiting for it on this side. Then the man yelled, You're a coupla fat slobs. I laughed, and they roared away.

    Love,
    Janie

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    1. That's just crazy! You can't watch a parking space from a distance and expect the world to see it as yours. It goes to the person who is there with his/her turn signal on when the person leaves. That's the unspoken rule!

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    2. Thank you. And I'm not a fat slob.

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  25. I haven't seen someone write a check in a long time. Do they still make checks??? The thing that annoys me the most is when someone argues with the cashier about something they think is supposed to be on sale. Then they make somebody go and double check on the price and the line just gets longer and longer. I hate that!

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    1. Or the people that argue about the price on everything that's scanned. I think one of the most line-lengthening things that has happened in retail was the decision to take price tags off of items in most stores and just rely on the prices listed on shelves. That forces the cashier to rely on the customer's word when we say it was on sale.

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  26. Yeah, people in the way annoy me. It's not so much that but the obliviousness that someone might want to get around them.

    When I go out at this time of year, I make sure my mother drives. She has this inexplicable ability to get the best parking spots all the time. Seriously. Even in the depths of December.

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    1. Some people have the best luck with that. Most of the time I'll just park far away and walk to avoid having to fight over a parking place!

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  27. It's funny. Have a good night!

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  28. I had to buy a present near the last minute last year, and decided to make it easier on myself by parking soon after I'd entered the lot and just having a long walk towards the mall. At least it spared me having to endlessly circle around and wait for a spot.

    People who write checks at stores are annoying. It was also cringe-worthy to go shopping with my ex, since he's not from the U.S. and so thinks it's acceptable to haggle down a price or insist he be given something half-off as a floor sample, since it was the only one of its kind in the store or that aisle.

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    1. That first paragraph echoes my feelings exactly--in fact, you'll see I said the same thing two comments up. Great minds think alike! That last part is why I don't do garage sales anymore. People who walked up with $1 items and said, "Will you take 75 cents for this?" just annoyed me.

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  29. Slow walkers are the worst.

    And also, I LOVE it when people pick out a bunch of stuff, and then leave things at the register that they decide on the spot they don't want.

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    1. Buyer's remorse? I guess it's better than returning it all!

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  30. I can't wait to start implementing your suggestions so I can fit in with the status quo. It's been so annoying standing out by not participating in the festival of crazed shoppers. lol! Gret post!

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    1. I know...if you can't beat them, join them, right?

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  31. And this is why I finish my Christmas shopping in November. :)

    I don't even think stores will take cheques here. They're shocked when I want to pay with cash.

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    1. Many retail stores no longer take checks here--but grocery stores and department stores like Wal-Mart still do. They just verify them instantly...so it's like using a debit card.

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  32. I hate crowds, that's why I don't go near the mall on the week of Christmas.

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    1. The weekends are the worst. I was there today briefly and it wasn't bad at all.

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  33. OMG this post was a hoot and so true. And Kathy Bates....that was hysterical.

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  34. 'Tis the season, eh? ;) This is unrelated to the holidays, but I had a lady today who was super impatient in line at the bank I work at(she kept coming up to the counter to crane her neck and look at the teller running drive thru in the hopes that she'd come wait on her) and she was annoying me so bad that I was glad she had to wait. *smirks evilly* I was waiting on a really old sweet couple, who you can imagine, were slow as turtles crossing the road. lol In my head I was thinking- you should know better than to come to the bank when you're short on time. We're not a fast food establishment! K, I feel better. ;)

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    1. I was in line at the post office once when someone behind me said, loudly, "Your tax dollars at work, folks." I assumed he meant the fact that they only staff one clerk at lunchtime at that location, but the clerk took it that he was saying SHE was slow. I didn't see it that way because she was actually moving faster than most postal employees do. She looked at me and said, "I shouldn't say anything, right?" I said, "Right" and gave her a sympathetic smile. Maybe that helped? I don't know...but rudeness doesn't ever make the line move faster!

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  35. This is hilarious! I just went shopping last week and I only made it an hour. I think some of the people I saw may have read your blogpost (they are obviously time travelers). :)

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    1. It's always amazing. I just tell myself they must be happy in that little imaginary world of theirs and try not to let it get to me.

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  36. This is my online shopping annoyance: I will watch an item on TumbleDeal.com, but never freeze the price in time. NEVER. Why do I bother? If I'm willing to go on over to Amazon and pay retail, anything less is a bargain on TumbleDeal.com!

    I'm too stupid to shop.

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    1. I think those sites are designed to make it almost impossible to click at the right time. Kind of like the claw machine. They set the claw to be less grabby than it should be, so even when you do get something, it falls right out.

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    2. The claw machine is an excellent comparision!

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  37. Love this post! I confess that what annoy me is the number of persons everywhere, it's quite impressive.

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    1. Dwight Schrute, The Office: "There's too many people on this Earth. We need a new plague." It sounds harsh, but for some reason it cracked me up when I first saw that episode!

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  38. This all sounds nightmarish. I had to go to the post office on Saturday--not for myself, but to do a favor for someone. It was terrible. People had oodles of boxes when I had one little thing to ship.

    I can't stand it when people cut in line. Coupon users and check writers also irritate me.

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    1. I went yesterday morning at 8 a.m. because I had a lot to ship. Nobody else was there, even though it was the busiest shipping day of the year. 8 a.m. on a Monday is apparently THE time to go to the post office!

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  39. A great post dripping with satire! Merry Christmas and I'll get your questions to you, but it will probably be after Christmas, after all I will have to wait in line behind your disciples!

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    1. Disciples? HA! Send them whenever you're ready. I'll be working the week after Christmas...it's right now when things are absolutely crazy with work, so the timing might be perfect.

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  40. I don't have a car, but I can steal a seat on the Tube. That really annoys people.

    I'm not much of a shopper (I mean I really, really, really hate it) so I avoid it. That means everyone gets gift cards from me.

    Happy holidays!

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    1. That is a necessary talent. My sister lives in Chicago and when she was pregnant, people wouldn't even offer a seat to her. Elderly, disabled--doesn't matter. It's each man for himself on the train.

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    1. It's over for me--I'm all shopped...except for whatever still has to arrive by mail.

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  42. Haha! You had me laughing. I HATE going shopping this time of year. I've started doing a lot of my shopping on Amazon just to avoid the crowds and the craziness (and the traffic!)

    I just signed up for your 25 Roses blog tour—looking forward to it!! :)

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    1. Thank you so much, Kristin! I did a lot of mine on Amazon and now I have to figure out what's come in and what hasn't.

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  43. For me the most annoying thing about shopping at the mall anytime -- not just at Christmas -- is the mom on her cell phone while her 5+ children run around pulling things off hangers and basically terrorizing the store and all the shoppers. Mom just stays on the phone and ignores it all.

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    1. Perhaps it's her way of escaping!!! I think Ikea has the right idea--they offer day care in their stores. You just drop your kids off and they play while you shop your heart out!

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  44. I stay away from the Christmas shopping scene. I hate shopping at the best of times. If I need something, I just go, grab and buy, and then get out as soon as humanly possible. Mind you, I do enjoy sitting in a café and watching everyone else struggle. That does make me smile. All the very best.

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    1. It is fun to watch everyone else fight it out while sipping your Starbucks! I did that yesterday morning while working.

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  45. Great post, Stephanie! And great illustrations! I do so much of my shopping online just to avoid all this misery. It may lack the personal touch sometimes, but it spares me having to deal with all the assorted losers out there.

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  46. Oh goodness, Stephanie, I will never forget Kathy Bates In "Fried Green Tomatoes"! I must have replayed that scene half a dozen times just to catch all of the dialogue. Mega-laugh for the whole movie. You've made my day!

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  47. I really don't do well with waiting in line, especially in front of people who put stuff back at the register. Seriously? You couldn't put it back yourself while you walked around the store 25 times?!

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  48. I didn't knew faris that you have a naughty Side too,5 ways to annoy people ..Rofl...I could imagine the expression on that fellows face if I steal his/her parking place.
    It was really a funny post...;-)

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  49. my thing about the checks is if you're going to write them AT LEAST have them ready to go! or write it fast people! LOL this was super cute :D

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  50. This was so much fun, and something we could all relate to! My mom is the Energizer Bunny of shopping, and she still wears me out! Merry Christmas, Stephanie!

    Julie

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