Tuesday, May 27, 2014

Here's My Money. Be Mean to Me.

A battle broke out on a community Facebook page recently when a woman reported she took her two teen daughters here:



The waiter, she said, called one daughter ugly and the other daughter a brat. The general consensus was that the mom was reckless for taking her children to a place not designed for children.




You see, there's a sign clearly posted at the entrance that warns anyone who enters of the dangers. Those arguing with the mom said she couldn't have missed the sign. Here's one I found online:




The mom said she was distracted by a doorman who was giving her a salespitch to bring her in. He didn't warn her daughters that Dick's Last Resort is a place where kids are forced to wear inappropriate hats.




(That was the cleanest one I could find.)

My point, which I argued to the end, was that even if they criticize parents, calling a teen girl ugly is crossing the line. Teen girls are impressionable, and such a thing can do lifelong damage. Plus, if she's clearly upset by it, shouldn't the waiter stop?




What do you think? Was the waiter wrong? Or should the girl just have gone along with it?

56 comments:

  1. That one could go either way. If it was done like a comedy routine, like improv at a night club, and not done to be mean, then it might be all right. But you never know what state of mind the kid is in. So the ugly part might have been too much. (And certainly too much if the kid became upset - again, done only for fun, not to be mean.) Adults can take it, or at least should be able to take it. The waiter should've picked on the mom and made the girls laugh.
    I'm really surprised a place like that is still in business. If it was for adults only, like a bar, yeah. But open to the public, not so much.

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  2. Yes the waiter was wrong. You're right, you do NOT say something like that to a teenage girl. Their confidence is already very frail due to the cruelty of middle-schoolers. It's over the line in my opinion.

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  3. In this case, I have to side with the restaurant. Their gimmick is to have rude waiters, it's their niche, and it's clearly marked. If the mom truly didn't realize what the place was about when they first got there (I have my doubts about this though, since it's pretty obvious), she should have walked out if she was offended, when she did realize what was going on (which was probably within 2 minutes). We've walked out of places plenty of times-not a big deal. The waiter was just doing his job. The mom wasn't doing hers (in my opinion).

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  4. The waiter was wrong... he's lucky it wasn't me... he should count himself lucky. I of course would have left but not before saying my peace. I have been known to go on a tyrant and make myself known.. I don't care how it looks either...

    Especially when said against a teenager who is already dealing with put downs in their life. I personally can dish out better than given... ;-)

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  5. I think the waiter is to blame here - because calling somebody ugly is no joke, no matter if done to a teenage girl or an adult. There is no excuse for saying something like that to anybody. And I absolutely think that the doorman should have warned her that this place might not be appropriate (for anybody!).

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  6. The waiter sounds like a bit of a douche. Even in places like that you have to know your limits, many people you can get away with whatever and they won't care, but then some you can't say word one too without them going wacko. Granted the wackos shouldn't be in there anyway. But just like anything in customer service they should know who they can push and who they can't.

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  7. arrest them all, the mother, the teens, the waiter, and make them clean streets for free :) Dezzy for the Intergalactic dictator!

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  8. LOL Dezmond. These are what we call "first-world problems." Although, now that I think about it, the fact that we pay people to call us ugly while they're feeding us while people are starving in other parts of the world is a little bizarre!

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  9. Wow. I didn't know such a place existed. It sounds like a place that hires losers who were bullies in high school.

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  10. It does sound a bit like they're glorifying bullying, doesn't it? The people who were arguing on the place's behalf, though, were saying that they insult the waiters right back. Just sounds like a whole lot of negativity to me.

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  12. Firstly, loving the new look blog.

    Hmm, can I play Devil's Advocate here and suggest that maybes, just maybe's the mother knew of this places reputation and took her teenagers there anyway in the hope of perhaps gaining some notoriety on FB.

    For myself, I would have walked out the minute the inappropriate head wear was brought out which I'm presuming was fairly early on in the visit.

    As for the rights and wrongs? Given how sensitive teenage girls can be it does seem a tad insensitive but then again as her mother took the girls there perhaps the staff took it that any comments made were deemed all part of the 'fun'. I only hope she complained at the time and not just on FB.

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  13. I'm actually familiar with the restaurant, the mom should have read the sign.

    The insults are suppose to be mean, it's suppose to be something you're suppose to laugh about.

    Now if they were to start crying, then I'd suppose that would be a time for them to stop.

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  14. you're right about teens being very impressionable. i think he could have found other ways to pick on her w/o insulting her looks.

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  15. Yeah... That's not something you say to a teenage girl, EVER. So obviously it was a man who said it. I think we should watch what we say, even in jest.

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  16. So sad that people think that is entertainment and that they can be given carte blanche just for having a sign on their window. I know it is more than that though. I am one for free business so if people want to go thereto be insulted while they eat they can. I would be checking out this place and would see fast that it would not have been appropriate for the daughters. That being said, the waiter should have some basic common sense and not use bullying tactics and then hide behind the restaurant's sign. Everyone knows that young girls are impressionable and never deserve that type of abuse even if they state it was all in fun or it is our restaurant. I have heard many times "All in fun" and it burns my ass-that's a cop-out. Even comics who use insults in their jokes know not to say it towards young girls. Sorry about the ass part but it bugs me

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  17. Hmm, I can see both sides of it. I don't agree with this type of behaviour and paying to be insulted isn't my idea of a good time, but then clearly there are some who love the banter or it wouldn't be in business. The waiter obviously assumed the mum was okay about the kids being insulted (because they were in the restaurant). I would say the fault lies with the doorman for propositioning a family to come in (if that is indeed the truth of the matter) when it clearly isn't a family place. I do wonder about the values of people who want to work there!

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  18. I think the waiter was wrong and I also think there should be a sign warning of the waiters at every table, just in case someone missed it walking into the restaurant. I hope the girls were able to realize it was just part of the "atmosphere" there and not allow the waiter's words to redefine themselves. I'm going to also remember to avoid such a place, I'm thinking a concept like this isn't where I want to plunk down my hard earned money.

    betty

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  19. I feel like playing the 'blame game' is rarely a productive use of energy, but if I were going to I would think it fair to spread some around in this case. To the mother for (however unwittingly) putting her kids in that environment and the waiter for not stopping when the kids got upset. But again, the blame game is one that's best won by not playing.

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  20. True Rhonda.

    I do second what Betty said. People say it's obvious what the restaurant is. I've never set foot in one, but looking at the pictures I saw on the web, I didn't see how it was obvious, especially if the doorman is nice. This woman seemed truly sincere that she did not know...so maybe the Nashville location isn't as blatant as it needs to be about the restaurant's premise.

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  21. It's a business model I find obnoxious but there must be enough people who enjoy it to keep the place going. Yes, I do think the parent is ultimately responsible.

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  22. Oh my. I am torn. I agree, you have to know what you're getting when you go in, but I agree with you- calling a teen girl ugly is mean. I don't like mean. The truly funny waiter could have come up with something better than that.

    But I also agree with the restaurant. It'd be like walking into Hooters and being offended by the attire.

    How's that for riding the fence?

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  23. I guess I wouldn't have exposed my kids to something they couldn't handle. Maybe if they'd been prepared ahead for the hazing, it would have been a good experience. This way Dick's gets more publicity and Mom gets the raspberry.

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  24. I wish restaurants would get back to serving good food and quit looking for gimmicks to get people in and charge more. I am guilty of not paying enough attention and might be one of those people who didn't "get" their shtick and probably wouldn't have read the sign...I know, shame on me. But attacking children crosses the line. I am certain I would have gotten up and left. I am certain I would have complained. I am certain I would warn people publicly about this place. I also know that they were technically within their rights. There are so many things I don't understand. Why exactly do we need a place like this? It's too bad, but I still think we owe our children (and their moms) more than hiding behind our "rights" because we put up a sign.

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  25. Im really angry with this waiter!
    Im agree with you and nobody call anybody ugly or other and specially with teens or kids they are crazy in this site.
    We don't need a place like this like say Lisa.
    Im with the mom too she is amazing!
    Thanks for stopping by and Im happy to following you:)
    xo

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  26. I think personal insults are wrong, even at comedy places. Laughs should not be at another person's expense.

    It's just too bad the mother didn't see the sign before she walked in. Hopefully the mom was able to explain that the waiter was trying to be funny, even though he was not.

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  27. I think personal insults are wrong, even at comedy places. Laughs should not be at another person's expense.

    It's just too bad the mother didn't see the sign before she walked in. Hopefully the mom was able to explain that the waiter was trying to be funny, even though he was not.

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  28. In the end, it's kind of sad we've come to a place in society where people find it entertaining to go somewhere where someone calls you and your children ugly--and pay big $$$ for the privilege! I can relate to the mom because I'd heard the name of the place many times and was familiar with its existence. Until this came up, though, I had no idea that was the concept. People acted like everyone should know this when the mom posted it, but if it's supposed to be understood that Dick's Last Resort=place where you are insulted relentlessly, I'm just as guilty of being ignorant as the mom!

    True, though, when the insults started, I would have hightailed it out of there. I still won't let restaurants seat us in the bar area when I have my stepdaughter with us because drunks can say some pretty inappropriate things, pretty loudly!

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  29. Yeah, I don't think the waiter should've called the child ugly. It's one thing to say things like that to adults, but it's another thing to say that to children. Of course, it is probably better if the mother and her children hadn't entered this type of establishment. It doesn't sound like a very kid-friendly place (or too adult-friendly either).

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  30. Well, that's an interesting concept--to pay for bad service instead of accidentally stumbling upon it. I don't think this idea would fly in Canada, somehow.

    On one hand, if the place bills itself as the restaurant with waiters who are insensitive jerks, I guess people who go there can't expect otherwise. It's "buyer beware." It's not the restaurant's fault that the mother wasn't paying attention and didn't know what she was getting into.

    On the other, calling a child--especially a teenage girl--ugly, just shows bad judgment and a complete lack of class. I'd vote with my feet and not go there. That's really the only form of protest that will matter to the restaurant. Obviously they want controversy, so complaining about them isn't going to have much of an effect.

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  31. I know, Cherie--I have a feeling it's very popular with large groups of guys out for a night of drinking. Although when you Google Dick's Last Resort, you get a lot of pictures of kids wearing those hats, so it must be very popular with families. I'm guessing they normally go a little easier on youngsters... It's more fun for the kids to watch their parents be verbally abused.

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  32. I don't think you should call someone ugly. I get the insult restaurants, but talking about appearances seems a bit wrong.

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  33. The waiter was definitely out of line attacking the children instead of the adult, but the mother should have exercised her parental common sense. Missing the sign is one thing. When the verbal abuse began, the mother should have immediately exited the establishment with her children. If I had missed the sign and my server started insulting my children or me, I would have assumed the server was either unstable or looking for a fight. Either way, it isn't an atmosphere for children--or rational adults for that matter. Irrational adults are another matter. If you're over 21 and enjoy that sort of thing, go for it--but leave the kids at home.

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  34. I still can't believe the number of kids I saw on Google Image Search wearing hats with inappropriate things written on them. It's one thing when they're wearing them in the restaurant, but now it's online, probably forever!

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  35. The waiter went too far. I don't care if there's a sign. Don't be nasty to kids. They didn't choose to be there.

    Love,
    Janie

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  36. Sounds like a very strange kind of "theme" restaurant. I might enjoy it on my own, but I wouldn't subject children to it. I don't think I can side with the mother on this one. She should have known what she was getting into.

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  37. Sounds a strange place to me. Lucky we don't have anything like this in our country!

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  38. Everyone has different limits, so what might be okay for one girl who has enough self-confidence might not be okay for another. As for the situation, I really don't think anyone is at fault--or maybe everyone is. The doorman should have warned her what the place was like, and the mom should have gotten them out when she saw how things were, which shouldn't have taken long, I think. But I don't think you can blame the waiter for doing his job. It was the place's shtick and he was doing what he was supposed to.

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  39. I personally think that she was warned and should have known what she was getting into. If she was offended, she should have left...period. Not sure I would have taken my kids to a place like this in the first place, but she did. I don't think the waiter should have zeroed in on the kids, but who am I to say? Sounds like a place that is based on very poor taste.

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  40. Yeah, this one's a toughie for me. I've known about Dick's since I was in college and that was *cough* years ago. I've never been in one, since it's not my thing, but I don't think you can get upset when you enter since it's been its schtick for years. I mean the place it called Dick's - it's pretty much all right there in the name. Even if the mom didn't read the sign, that should have given her pause (with a name like that, she could have been walking her daughters into something much more shocking!) On the other hand, calling a teen girl ugly is brutal even if they had walked in there expecting to get insulted. So I guess I'll just continue my stance of never going to one.

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  41. The waiter was not only wrong, but is lucky he did not lose a couple of teeth after the incident. I understand putting on a show, but one has to have boundaries.

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  42. Sorry they had a bad experience and missed the signs (and hats worn by other patrons). I know of the restaurant and ones like it that are popular because of the rude behavior of the waiters. I know the waiters are in a role and it is too bad that things ended with hurt feelings. No one likes to have their feelings hurt, well maybe that isn't true based on how many people eat at places with this atmosphere.

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  43. I wanted to add that the "ugly" remark seems to be too much because it is making fun of the way a teen girl looks and it was obviously upsetting for her. I think the brat comment could be expected based on the theme of the restaurant and it doesn't sound like it was as upsetting.

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  44. Hi Stephanie,

    I will never bring my kid to this sort of restaurant knowing that he is going to be verbally abused. To me, this is not funny at all!!!

    I hear your opinion.

    Zoe

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  45. That was crossing the line, even with the type of restaurant they are.

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  46. It's terribly sad... I didn't know place like that existed and I confess I don't really understand. We don't have resaurant like that in France.

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  47. just a gray area. you get what you get walking in a place like that, especially because they have a reputation to uphold. at the same time, they should know when to slow their role for children.

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  48. Mostly I'm just baffled that places like this exist!

    If it's all in fun, that's one thing, but when it's an attack, and especially on a child, it seems wrong.

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  49. I didn't know a place like Dick's existed until about a month ago, and I honestly have no idea why anyone would want to go there. Still, there's an element of humanity that any human being should have--if it's making someone upset, why would you keep going? It's one thing to be rude, it's another to be crewel.

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  50. On the one hand, the place is the kind of place where one expects to get insulted. So the mother shouldn't have brought her daughters. On the other hand, calling anyone ugly, especially a teen girl, is cruel and may do lasting damage.

    Perhaps this will be a warning to others not to bring their children to such a place. At least not those that won't enjoy this sort of thing.

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  51. This isn't a one's right and one's wrong situation to me.

    Yes, the mom should've been paying attention and shouldn't blame the restaurant. It could be a good lesson for her daughter, to talk about how some people are jerks and how to deal with it. (I say this standing back with perspective. The mom in me probably would've been upset if it happened to my child though, too.)

    On the other hand, if I were the the owner of this place, I wouldn't be happy with the waiter. I've never been there, but I assume in this type of place it's supposed to be fun. Which means you need to feel out your customers to see how much is too much or appropriate. Especially when it comes to children.

    Light teasing or snark would be fine with me, but I'm not going to a place where the server just throws out insults at us. There's nothing creative or funny about that.

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  52. This is how people want to be entertained? They want rude waiters to make snarky comments?

    Not my cup of tea.

    Even if that is their shtick, I don't think waiters ought to tell any kid they're ugly. Just not cool.

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  53. I think the whole premise of being rude to customers holds no appeal. Insults are insults, whether they are declarations of appearance, intelligence, religion, or preferences. Cruelty encourages more cruelty. Within the scope of the restaurant, yes, the waiter was within his rights. However, I don't like that that style of restaurant gets enough business to remain in business.

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  54. That waiter has a strange sense of humor. I think his Momma's ugly. Laughing yet?

    I didn't think so.

    That said, how are you?

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  55. Not my cup of tea really, and even if it were, I'd not take my children there.

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  56. I agree with some of the others here, I just think it's bad that a place like this exists. I have heard of places like this, but I have never gone to one.

    If the girls were really upset the waiter should have stopped immediately.

    The mother should have taken the children out if she thought that it was too much.

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